Not what you think it does.
I’ve never been a morning person. Put me in a position where I have to interact with other people before 12 pm and I’ll be dysregulated all day and probably a few days after. Yes, that may be the autism, but please feel free to tell me you’re the same so I don’t feel alone. This post has turned into a pure stream of consciousness, so enjoy the chaos ensuing in 3, 2, 1…
What does it mean to be a morning person?
Well, if we believe capitalism, being a morning person means to wake up joyfully, jump out of bed, get ready for the day, maybe even get a workout in and then happily hop to the office job. You’re welcome for the image. Here’s the dictionary definition:
A person who wakes up without difficulty early each morning and who is alert and active during the first part of the day.
It doesn’t really say anything about other people now, does it? So WHY THE HELL are we associating it with being able to be and communicate with people? You may tell me: “Patricia! We are social beings. Of course it applies to being among people and interacting with them!” I get it, I may be splitting hairs here, but it feels really important to me, which is why I wanted to write this post in the first place. So here we are.
It starts in school. If you don’t want to talk to anyone first thing when you arrive, you’re labelled rude and “not a morning person.” Usually, it also comes with being a “night owl;” someone who will stay up late, often until after midnight. Being forced to get up early for some capitalist obligation, these people are also called grumpy because they turn up fucking TIRED.
Night owl = evening person?
Sooo… does being a night owl mean you’re an evening person then? It might, but doesn’t have to. There are many reasons why someone may stay up late. Including neurodivergent reasons. Yes and no then. Super helpful, I’m aware.
For me, a certified night owl, it does mean that I have a lot of energy in the evening and often at night, too. My peak time is usually in the late afternoon, though. Go figure. The problem with this is that capitalism doesn’t work that way. Sure, there are jobs that require you to operate in shifts and you may be lucky and always get the ones suited to your rhythm. I used to do the night shift in video game localisation and it was fucking fantastic. Being paid extra because it was at night? Even better. Also doing a day job because living in London is ridiculously expensive? Do not recommend. On top of that, “real life” is still happening during business hours, so you cannot afford to sleep during the day and be awake at night because you can never get hold of anyone to tackle your life admin. Classic win-lose situation, I guess.
Do evening people hate mornings then?
This is where it gets interesting and why I am fed up of being labelled “not a morning person.” Because if I can do whatever the fuck I want in the morning, I really, REALLY love mornings. I find them magical. To the point I get up earlier to have more of them even though I may have stayed up late.
As long as I don’t have to speak to people (unless I CHOOSE to!), I am fine with mornings. Having worked from home – and being unable to work for the majority of it – for the past few years now, mornings have become a very important part of my days. Potentially my favourite part. Going at my own pace, not having any obligations, being able to listen to my body and its needs; these things set me up for success. Being supported by medication, herbal remedies and delivery services for food shops mean I get to start the working day with a full cup. In my opinion, this is the way it should be. Everyone should be able to start their working day at a time that they feel ready, nourished and prepared. This way, the working days get shorter, too. You just get more done in less time.
This is why capitalism sucks
Capitalism wants you to be physically present in offices – and most other workplaces, for only some of which it actually makes sense – during particular hours. In winter, this means we don’t even get to see the sun. You leave the house in the dark in the morning and come back in the dark in the evening. Serving as staff for the billionaires at the top. Not making enough money to pay for the things that should be free: shelter, food, heating, electricity, water, clothes, the internet. Beyond that, I also think healthcare – including any and all medication – should be free. So you know where I stand.
I have played this game for over a decade until I fully burnt out in 2019. There was nothing left of me and my health gradually declined until I was completely “housebound.” I hate the wording, but this is what it has felt like. I am still recovering from that, so don’t let anybody tell you that your burnout recovery is taking too long. Especially if it is combined with neurodivergent burnout because that can happen again and again from just daily living activities in a world that wasn’t built for us.
The privilege of it all
So, in most ways, my way of life is a privilege in “Western” societies. When taken to the extreme, people like me are called scroungers. Disabled people really have no value in capitalism. Still, it IS a privilege to be able to have the mornings I want and that support me best. So if this is not possible for you, please don’t think you have personally failed. It is the system – operating as it was designed – failing us every single day.
What DOES it all mean then?
Well, here’s the deal: The classic definition of a morning person doesn’t reasonate with me because it really just perpetuates violence under the oppressive systems we are all part of. Because since I can have supportive mornings, instead of rushing to wash myself and have a bite of breakfast and a coffee before I leave the house, I am in LOVE with mornings. And yes, I consider myself a morning person.
A person who loves their mornings because of what they do for me. How they shape my reality and how they provide a solid foundation for my days, consistently. It took me a LONG time to get here. Partly because of internalised ableism, which is still a thing in my brain. And partly because for the longest time I couldn’t do all the things I want and need to do to start the day.
My AuDHD brain thrives on a solid structure, but call it rituals, not routines. Because I also need novelty and to make it interesting. Sometimes I need to switch it up a little bit, but not too much. It’s a fine line, but I have managed to find a way to not only tolerate mornings, but adore them.
What about you? Are you a morning person? What are your thoughts on the topic? I would love to talk to you about it, so comment away!
Stay magnificent. Stay witchy.
Your Witch Mother
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The forbidden territory
Cue to people leaving. That’s okay. And if this is a topic that may trigger you into oblivion, please don’t proceed. You take good care of yourself. Also disclaimer that I’m still not a therapist or counsellor or whatever other fun name the English language has thought up for the same profession. I’m what they patronisingly call an “expert by experience”. Go figure.
Abusive Behaviour
Let’s talk about abusive behaviour first. Because it may be more subtle than you think. For me it mostly was. It’s not always outright violence, in whichever form. In fact, it is most often smaller behaviours and behavioural patterns that are hard to recognise. Which is why you may encounter these relationship dynamics again and again and… again. Really talking from experience here and getting tired of it. Anyway.
I’ve combed through the internet, so you don’t have to. I’ll also keep it to the behaviours I have encountered, so in many ways this is biased. Keep all of that in mind reading on.
The Signs
In this section, I’ll go and try to sort behaviours into beginning, middle and end. To be fair, most behaviours show in the middle stages, but it felt like a good structure and guide for people to make sense of what you may be experiencing.
In the beginning
Much like in a romantic relationship that ends up being abusive, an abusive friendship can start the same way. Often, it starts with you being in a vulnerable position because you are going through some shit or have just been through it and they swoop in as the saviour. At the same time – and even when they aren’t “saving” you – they will love bomb you. You’re getting all the compliments and gifts. They will tell you how close they already feel to you and how lucky they are they’ve met you. What they will also tell you is how some of their other (or their only last) friendships have ended. It was drmatic and they are now talking about their ex friends badly. That, friends, is a classic red flag.
Sure, there are abusive situations in friendships (duh, that’s why we’re here!). But more often than not, when someone badmouthes others to you, they will most likely do that about you to other people, too. Either immediately or once your friendship has ended; dramatically, of course. Confront them about it and if they get super defensive or tell you how much of a victim role they’ve had, well, it may be time to move on before it gets worse.
Another thing that should make you cautious in the beginning is if you only ever meet where they want and do what they want. If you suggest anything different, they find excuses not to do it and you end up going with what they suggested. I’m not talking about disabilities here, by the way. Don’t twist this. When this happens early on in a friendship, you will not even realise how ingrained it has become when you’re several months or years into it. You will have become used to it, but it will still drain you and leave you exhausted at the end of it. You will have stopped suggesting things to do and places to go and let them make those decisions. Eventually, they may become annoyed by that, talking about how they are always the one needing to come up with things. That will rile you up and you may get into one big argument about it all.
Once you’re hooked
Equally, down the line, they may expect you to help in any and all situations and drop everything for them. Once you’re experiencing some shit, though, and need their help, they are nowhere to be found. Like most of these signs, this is subtle at first, but will become more obvious over time. You will get more and more reluctant to help them.
Another sign more on the subtle side is when you feel completely drained after you’ve hung out with them. You may attribute it to other things – including introversion and neurodivergence – but soon realise this doesn’t happen to the same degree with your other friends. If you still have them, because you won’t be able to meet in groups with this friend and the way they react to your other friendships may make you meet up less with them.
Because this friend will also be jealous of your other friendships and will find fault with those people despite never taking the time to meet them and form an actual opinion. If you are in a group together, they demonstrate how close you are by calling you names “as a joke” and exposing your vulnerabilities. Talking about exposing you, your secrets also won’t be safe with them if they have a partner they tell everything. You may find out about this after having sent several long voice messages and being told what their partner thought of that or how they are sending their sympathy. Trying to set a boundary, they will then tell you that one of their boundaries is to not leave the room for listening to voice messages anymore because their spouse gets sad every time they do that. Just me? Well then.
Being upset and non-repair
That situation may make you angry but do not expect to get an apology that means anything. Now, this is definitely not unique to abusive friendships, but most common when people want to manipulate the situation or the outcome. To get abundantly clear, here is my definition of an apology:
An apology is an acknowledgement of offence or hurt your actions have caused. It is a statement that makes it clear that you are taking responsibility and accountability for your actions. To make it meaningful, you don’t only reassure the person you are apologising to that this won’t happen again, but also tell them how you achieve it. Additionally, you will actually change your behaviour going forward.
To be perfectly clear, this is my personal definition and I think it should be understood universally. The dictionary definitions I have looked up have all included the words “justification” and “excuse” and “explanation”. Whilst I love an explanation and will often provide one if prompted, it is not necessary and often harmful in an apology. And justifications and excuses have no place in apologies whatsoever as they simply perpetuate the harm you have caused. They essentially tell you it will happen again because the person apologising doesn’t see the point of your getting upset. Equally shit apologies are the ones that are along the lines of “I’m sorry my behaviour triggered you” as it doesn’t show any responsibility or accountability taken and puts the “blame” of the situation to the person who has been hurt. It is wild that this is not universally understood in 2026, but here we are.
If you do get an attempt of an apology from an abusive friend, it will sound like, “I’m the worst friend”, “I never do anything right”, “I hate myself” or “I guess I’m shit at doing that.” This creates a situation in which you are then expected to make them feel better, even though they have fucked up. As I’m drawing examples from my life here, too, this even happens when just the smallest mistake has been made and nobody was harmed but they had to be corrected. It is exhausting.
So that’s the non-repair covered. When an abusive friend gets upset with you – most often for no apparent reason – they will give you the silent treatment. You will try to repair and apologise but will be left in the dark until they decide to break the silence and meet you with a tirade of things that you have supposedly done wrong but didn’t know about. It could be something like you haven’t responded to their message on social media or you have said something that indicates that you “don’t know them” and that is somehow offensive. Remember this is supposed to be a close friend, who has your phone number and who clearly chooses what to hold back from you and what to share to control their level of vulnerability with you. That way, they control the whole relationship.
More abusive behaviour
You are many months or several years into this friendship and things really start to dawn on you. But if you’ve never really been exposed to the concept of abusive friendships, you will find excuses upon excuses for their behaviour, so a lot of these things will be hard to spot. And you definitely won’t be able to lable them as harmful if you don’t even have the language for it. Let’s change that, so this either won’t happen to you again or you will be able to leave these friendships behind faster than in the past.
One of the most insiduous abusive behaviours is judging your actions. It may start with unsolicited opinions (ask me why I hate them…) that you write off as their being concerned and end with downright insults. One of my favourite comments when I showed a “friend” my newly acquired coaching certificate was, “WHO certified YOU?!” They then later said that never happened (on one occasion, this may be harmless, but repeatedly this is indeed gaslighting) but would also belittle my choices to get further certifications in spiritual coaching and astrology later; to the point where I felt ashamed telling them. You are adjusting your behaviour, so they don’t get upset even though you are not hurting anyone? Red flag. Get out of there.
Another related scenario is when you want to celebrate a win and they have no reaction to it. If you’re lucky, you’re getting a monotonous “that’s great” or similar. However, when you have something to commiserate on, they go (back) to their role of saviour and will revel in the whole situation. Meanwhile, when they have achieved something, you are expected to show up with the pompoms and immediately. Getting deeper into this, you will also have to agree with everything they say; even when they contradict themselves. One extreme example I can give you is from when I was talking to this “friend” about the fights the couple across the road were having. She said they do that a lot and there are always two people in a relationship, aren’t there… Well, I agreed, sure, there are always two people in a relationhip. And then she added, “unless it’s abusive.” I had to concede that, of course, unless it’s abusive. She nodded at me in a lecturing way and looked very smug. I felt awful.
Ways to control you
Abusive friends will find the subtlest ways to control you. One of these ways is unsolicited advice. Yes, in and of itself it doesn’t have to be abuse and can be offered to help or out of genuine concern. I get it. And yet most often it’s a way to control other people’s behaviour, even if someone isn’t generally abusive or manipulative. My experience with this over more than three decades – and being that arsehole myself for many years – is the reason my strongest boundary is to ask me for consent before you offer advice or opinions to me.
It gets abusive when they start forcing their advice on you. It won’t look forced, but it will definitely feel that way. They get upset when you don’t follow their advice or when you tell them you have indeed already tried it and it didn’t work for you. They will tell you – subtly or bluntly – that you haven’t given it a good enough go then because clearly it worked for them, so it must work for everyone else. One beautiful example from my own life is when I had changed careers after burning out but wasn’t making enough money to support myself yet. Again and again, I would get job ads matching my old career in marketing sent to me on all channels. By them AND their partner. Until my response was a simple “no,” which they were of course offended by. It stopped the incessant involvement in my work choices, so I was good with causing offence. It was also towards the end, which became more and more palpable, so there was nothing to lose.
Another way to control you and to make you feel inferior is to make you the butt of the joke – usually in front of others – and to call you names (supposed nicknames) that hurt your feelings. When you complain and express your hurt, they will tell you to not make a big deal out of it and are often backed by the people around you who bore witness to the whole thing. This will make part of your personality disappear eventually. In the same vein, they will consistently disrespect your boundaries and make you feel weird for having them. Over time, you will become afraid to say anything or indeed to say no.
Making you feel bad about being disappointed when they, yet again, break their promises is yet another way to crush you and push you into a neat box where you never have any needs. When you’re at this point, you’re very easy malleable and easy to manipulate into the person they need you to be.
At the end
Whether you have realised they’re abusive or not, there will come a somewhat natural end to the relationship, in which more abusive behaviours are displayed. It may start with passive aggression that seems almost harmless, despite being incredibly infuriating. My “favourite” example was when I was living with a “friend” when I was homeless. They outlined how long I had stayed and how I no longer contributed much to the household (because I had been told to get out and was busy figuring that out, by the way) and ended the sentence with: “That’s not fair to anyone, is it?!” I had my back to them at the time and to keep the peace I just said, “I guess not…”
What this particular person then also did was call the homelessness team who was on my case and get information out of them. They actually obliged! Which was why I did not tell them my new address once I had figured out a solution. The audacity often knows no bounds at this stage.
Other signs you may be nearing the end are when you’re being left out of group activities and when they no longer tell you about plans they have (in life or more short term). It’s always under the guise of either them not being ready to share yet or them “knowing” you wouldn’t be interested in that activity, so they didn’t even think of asking you. Silly you, really. This is also the stage when the first rumours fester in groups you are both part of. You will be ostracised without knowing why. Because you still think they are your friend and surely wouldn’t do THAT!
Inevitably, there will be a dramatic breakup of the friendship. It will either be a non-sensical argument or as blatant as a threat to throw you out on the street (as it happened to me once). They will make sure it is big and that you will be the one at fault. Once ties are cut and if you still share community, in which they have any power, the smear campaign against you starts.
They will straight up lie about you and what you have done and send people your way to hold you accountable for those actions. They will try and damage your reputation, even more so if you have some sort of online presence that is essential to your livelihood. My most extreme example is when I finally moved out of that hellhole – still being homeless, but this time at least getting my own room as a lodger somewhere – and thought I had found safety, they sent about 4,000 people my way online to harass me. That person was the founder of an interest group online and had positioned themselves as a good person, a saviour and just SO FUCKING KIND. So everyone in that community believed them and went after me.
I couldn’t rest for days on end. The comments and messages were vile, spanned several platforms and just wouldn’t end; no matter how much I blocked people. I think it was day three when I finally called the police, who at first told me to delete my Instagram account… Victim blaming is the best, isn’t it?! But since it was somewhat of an organisation with a website and an email address and I persisted that this won’t stop otherwise, the police were able to help me. They sent them an email making it clear that this is illegal behaviour that will bear consequences and it all stopped suddenly. I have never heard from anyone from that community since.
Now, this is an extreme example, but smear campaigns can be very small yet equally ostracising and traumatising. Keep yourself safe, if this happens to you. Find people you truly trust that you can lean on and who will help you get out of the aftermath of an abusive friendship.
Why nobody talks about this
Now that you’re painfully aware of all the signs of abusive behaviour in friendships and how it presents, the question of why nobody talks about this remains unanswered. I will make an attempt at explaining it all. Reminder that I do not hold any degrees or certifications in psychology and don’t claim that I have all the answers or are 100% right. We can definitely engage in discourse around it all, too. This is based on what I have observed over the past five to six years since coming out of several abusive and manipulative situations back to back before I finally found safety. I have lived alone again since summer 2021, too, which has massively helped processing all of what happened to me and come to the conclusions I have come to in this essay.
Friendships are third tier relationships
The patriarchy and capitalism have convinced us that the most important relationship we’ll ever have is a romantic one. And one that contains procreation, creating a new family above staying in touch with your own (you know, the people you grow up with). I don’t know about you, but in the neurodivergent queer circles (I know, I know, I live in online bubbles, what can I say…), we more often than not have such a thing as “chosen family” and that is a collection of friends – with a varying degree of closeness – who show up for you and whom you show up for. So, for a whole bunch of us, friendships are THE relationships in our lives.
Yet this is not the truth for the majority of people. The majority is brainwashed (don’t deal with what that activates in you in my comment section) and still pursues the ideal of the nuclear family without a village. So thinking outside of those bounds is usually reserved for blood relations (no matter how toxic), but also only during holiday seasons and for birthdays. Obligation over connection. God forbid you have a good relationship with your folks. Friends are only accepted as “mates” for men, usually in the gym or through watching some type of sports together, and as “girlfriends” for women, whose friendships need to be safely contained inside of a coffee shop or the occasional catch up elsewhere, potentially over some sports activity, too. Pilates, anyone? And let’s not talk about the absence of genderqueer folks in this discussion. I guess the good thing is the rules don’t apply here?! You be the judge of that.
The SECOND you have a stronger bond to someone, it is frowned upon. Surely, you shouldn’t even have the time to forge those bonds. Let alone do life together in any meaningful way. Pushing our friendships aside like this has made it VERY difficult to talk about the toxic and abusive ones, whilst simultaneously pathologising those in which we have some mild arguments and disagreements.
You feel ashamed
The amount of women particularly whom I’ve encountered and heard about who feel ashamed they have been abused in their romantic relationships is endless. Somehow we always blame the victims, who are usually women or genderqueer folks. Imagine, then, “admitting” to abuse by a friend and have that friend even be another woman. A kind woman known in their circle, too. Because that is usually who these people are. They have a standing in the community and that makes them untouchable. Which leads to us hiding the abuse and staying in those friendships for longer, because we don’t have a “legitimate” reason to end them.
People may not believe you
The percentage of people who are not believed when they finally open up to someone about being abused must lie somewhere between 90 and 100%. It is abysmal out there. I’ve been one of those people who sought help from someone who works for a charity for abuse survivors and was left on read. Yep. To this day, there has not even been an acknowledgement of my message. I had to seek help elsewhere without putting emphasis on the emotional abuse part.
My story isn’t unique. So giving up and not telling people because you expect them not to believe you is more than understandable. If you are in an abusive situation like this, I still urge you to reach out to someone. Eventually, someone will listen and I am praying it won’t be too late for you.
Your friendships don’t go that deep
Now this one’s strongly tied to the first one; we don’t see friendships as the top tier relationships that they can be. Friendships could be a strong part of our village, but they are less and less so. We keep friends at arm’s length. Sometimes because trauma did that to us and we’re now cautious to open up for the fear of living through yet another abusive friendship. Hard relate, if this is you. It takes a whole lot of practice and building a whole lot of trust to be vulnerable and get close with people again. Other times, it’s just that we’ve forgotten how to do it. We don’t have any practice when it comes to forging and maintaining strong, close friendships. The only thing that could help us through it is, well, going through it. Be curious about your friends, ask follow up questions and let them ask you as well. Open up. Share what’s on your mind and heart. Have a few close friends that you can count on. It is those people that will also show up for you when you need to cut someone else off because you’ve realised they’ve been abusive.
Sooo, what’s next?
Well, that is of course up to you. But I strongly suggest to get into a community (or several) that feels safe (enough) for you. Within those communities, you will find people you REALLY gel with. Those people could become your friends, if you’re willing to put effort and vulnerability into friendships again. Written down, it sounds so simple; and it is but I know that it’s still not easy. Give yourself a whole load of compassion while you’re getting out of your shell.
Going through abuse? Seek help. There are many organisations out there providing support and also help you to cover your tracks (guidance here) should you live with the abuser. Most of them are targeted towards women, but there are others out there, too. A good guide to getting help can be found on the NHS website here: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/. There’s also guidance on there on how to help your friends when they are going through abuse.
You are not alone, I promise. And you deserve to be treated with respect, appreciation and kindness.
Stay magnificent. Stay witchy.
Your Witch Mother
Sources
The examples and signs of abuse in this blog post are straight from my own life, but I have found parallels on all of the below sites. Have a browse if you want to dig deeper into the topic.
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and how not to lose your mind while you’re at it
But first: Can we please talk about this boredom trend?! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read this NYT article (linked through archive today) that Aja Barber shared on her Patreon; highly recommend signing up, by the way.
Boredom, a trend
Well, I find the boredom trend exceptionally boring. It’s like Gen Z found a time capsule by the rest of the world and decided to enter it through a portal. BACK IN MY DAY (insert grain of salt) we were bored ALL. THE. TIME. And of course it was a good thing, even though it didn’t always feel that way. At the same time, there was no alternative. Unless you liked people. Then you went out and played with them. But being undiagnosed autistic, I was the weird kid and stayed home instead.
My attention span was great, despite undiagnosed ADHD, and my special interests got all the attention they needed. At some point, that would also involve a computer and the internet. But even after seven or ten hour sessions, that thing was switched off and it was back to “analogue” activities and the “real life”, often several days in a row. Even all the way up to 2015, I used the internet with a purpose and then shut down the laptop. Or put the phone away, because of course it was there. It just hadn’t taken centre stage yet; at least not for me, not permanently. Am I a unicorn? Or just a product of a youth mostly without access to digital and social media?
Digital detox, analogue boredom
Oh and can I just say how even in 2010, I was already talking online about digital detoxes, so PLEASE SPARE ME the “new” and “trending” topic that is detoxing from the digital life. Just fucking do it. Go on your retreats and lock your phones away, by all means, but please don’t tell me you’re reinventing the wheel. We’ve been around this block a few times; maybe your attention span is just too small to remember…
That may be unfair, as you may have grown up with a phone or tablet in your hand or you have become so engrossed in all of it that now it is hard to let go again. I get it. Not for nothing do I spend the last week and the first two weeks of each year “offline”. I put that in quotation marks because it just means that my phone is switched off. I still have access to the internet through my laptop, will take part in some online group activities and have my mind swirling in creation mode so much that I’m sitting here writing these words and others. The less phone time I have, the more I want to create and that usually means to write.
So what is it you do in your offline time then?
Apart from writing and “cheating” on my offline time with some online activities, I often do nothing. Wild concept, I know. Sometimes it is literally sitting there, cup of tea or coffee in hand, staring at the wall. Bliss. Or out of the window. More often than not, though, doing nothing involves doing nothing “of value”, nothing productive.
It means reading, journaling, witchcraft, going for walks and playing the occasional round of Mario Kart. It means colouring, hanging up some pictures (careful, productivity!) and sleeping. It means doing all the things I always want to do but “have no time” for. No time my arse. If I have time to scroll for hours or spend several hours playing a game on my phone, I have time to do these things. I just tend to forget, because being on my phone and checking the same three apps over and over feels like a compulsion, an addiction.
This is why I started these few weeks away from it all in the first place. And the plan always was (but hasn’t always materialised) to be offline on Mondays and have one offline week per month, too. I want to do all the things I love again. Some of which aren’t possible right now because of disabilities and illnesses, but a lot of them are just waiting for me to give them attention again. So that’s what I’m doing.
Reading
I used to be engulfed in my books. I’d go on book trips, readings to meet my favourite authors and get an autograph, do whole weekends of reading marathons and spend nights at bookshops for reading nights. I have done none of these things in the past few years. Heck, I haven’t even read regularly. Looking at my StoryGraph statistics, I haven’t really made it past 15 books per year for way too long. If that’s a lot for you, that’s great, please don’t think you need to change that. But for me? One book per week, PLEASE, as the bare minimum. That’s what I want to get back to.
Starting and barely ever finishing books in the past few years, though, gave me the idea my attention span was royally fucked and I would never get back to one of my favourite hobbies – and ways to learn! – again. Well, who would have thought putting my phone away and staying away from screens as much as I can would do the trick. There IS an element of skill regression from unmasking my ADHD, but showing up in this way the past few years and especially this year has proven that I still can read for hours on end and enjoy it.
Journaling
I’ve been religiously doing morning pages since 2019 despite not reading The Artist’s Way until years later. Don’t recommend that book either, because it is so steeped in privilege, fatphobia and religion that it makes me want to vomit when I just think about it. Anyway, someone had mentioned this habit at an event and I thought it was right up my street. Since I was VERY young, I had been a journaling girlie, so this was and is a way to continue that. If I don’t journal one day – offline or not – my day is over. I might as well go back to bed. It is the number one tool in my mental health toolbox; let me know if you want me to write about that one day.
What I also love about journaling is that it keeps both your critical thinking and your handwriting intact. If you choose to write on paper anyway. There is just something about my pen touching some good paper; the gliding motion, the cushiony feeling… It’s a whole body experience and it’s incredibly grounding.
Witchcraft
Journaling is also part of my witchcraft practice. I can’t recall a Witch Circle I’ve hosted that didn’t come with at least one journal prompt. Being away from screens, though, really brings me back into my body and my direct environment. My altar becomes an important space again. Somewhere my gaze rests on and that I can use for rituals.
I do a lot of rituals with and for others when I hold space during my own or other people’s events. As much joy as that brings me, it also doesn’t leave a whole lot of energy to do my own workings. So this year, I’m making sure I’m coming back to it. I’ve even repainted and sealed the paint on my altar to show how much I mean it. My first act was a full moon ritual for the Full Moon in Cancer on the 3rd of January. WOW. I had truly forgotten the cathartic nature of burning a piece of paper with your handwriting to let some shit go.
I know I talk about it a lot and I know it, cognitively. But it’s a different thing actually practising and experiencing it again. I’ve even created a Sigil (on sigilengine.com) for my hopefully imminent hysterectomy this year. There is SO MUCH MORE on my witchy agenda this year, but just working with the moon again feels life changing. Oh and don’t dismiss the catharsis that comes with decluttering things and throwing away bits that carry the energy of people you have let go. It’s a bit like shedding skin. Is this how snakes feel? Woah.
Going for walks
Now, this is not a regular occurrence for me since my mobility is often close to zero these days. I am determined to work on that, but there is only so much you can do when you’re disabled and I try not to be an ableist cunt to myself. There still are things I can do, though. So whenever I do have the spoons, I will take the shortest walk in human history around my neighbourhood.
The magic in these for me is twofold: Yep, it actually does have an effect on my mental health and I’m mad about it. 😀 It doesn’t cure depression or anxiety, but it absolutely helps both. The other plus for me is the connection to the seasons. It’s one thing observing them from inside, putting the heating or the fan on depending on how the outside temperature affects my home. It’s quite another being able to say hi to plants and trees, be in communion with them and watch them change throughout the year. Add animals into that and the bliss feels almost unbearable.
Colouring
Granted, I haven’t actually done this in years. But just like crocheting, it’s something I want to get back to; mainly for its meditative nature and because I like the end result. I’m no artist in that way (though I would scold everyone saying that about themselves…), but the positive effects are endless. I enjoy playing around with different colours, seeing what they do when they are next to each other or when I mix them. Being who I am, I have some sweary colouring books and colouring those words in makes my heart sing. There is one that is VERY British and let’s just say the Brits know how to insult people. It’s a delight.
DIY
Here comes the productivity trap! Finally receiving all the financial support I’m entitled to as a disabled person, though, gave me a boost to go for it again. One of my first purchases – it may have been THE first purchase – was a drill. The slightly more modern version of the one my grandpa had. The joy and delight I felt when I used it for the smallest task for the first time were unmatched. Doing handywork around the house brings back memories and gives me a feeling of accomplishment that I could never find elsewhere. Changing lives is cool and all, but have you ever changed a SPACE?!
So a lot of that backpay that came with the successful fight for support went into the house that I don’t own and pay too much rent for. I do want to live here for some more years, though, so I want it to really feel like my home. Especially after living here in destitution and poverty. Money can’t buy happiness and all that but it sure can make your life livable and even enjoyable.
Whenever I have the energy, I try and do a small thing around the house. And this year, by the time I turn 40 – which is in ten days, I am finishing it off. Half the living room needs painting and repainting. Then the actual decorating can begin. Putting the TV up will be a delight because the drill comes back out. Taking apart some drawers and turning them into shelves around the house will feel like I’ve won the lottery. At the end, the framed artwork will go up. Mostly prints, but there are some smaller originals from Love Hannington from her Little Loves collection. You have NO IDEA how long I’ve been waiting to put them all up.
I could go on forever, but offline time really gives me the headspace – and physical energy! – to do things around the house. When I don’t have the energy, I sit here and visualise what it should look like or find a solution in my mind on how to go about a certain problem.
Sleeping
This may be obvious, but one thing to do when you’re offline is sleeping. Generally, I have always been a night owl. My energy peaks after the usual 9-5, during which I’m usually useless for anything that capitalism deems useful. However, I do enjoy having mornings and especially daylight. So when I turned almost completely nocturnal (again!), I knew something had to change. I decided I would use my offline time to reset my sleep-wake cycle and wouldn’t you know it – it works.
I’m still not 100% there yet, especially if I have a rare early morning appointment keeping me awake the night before. But I’m very happy with the progress I’m making and I’m determined to leave all screens out of my bedroom (apart from the LCD of the alarm clock) from now on. The only exception I’ll make is when I feel too sick to go past the bathroom. In those cases, my phone may be a lifeline to get food or call someone for help. Thankfully, I haven’t been THAT sick in a good while. Fingers crossed it stays that way.
Another thing to do is also catching up on sleep, having naps or just resting in other ways. I know it’s hard and feels so unnatural with our capitalistic conditioning. But WOW is it worth breaking through that fucking barrier.
But I cannot be offline!!!
And you don’t have to be. This post is not about shaming anyone or trying to make you jealous or telling you this is the only way to reset your attention span or your life. There are many circumstances that don’t allow for offline time. Our lives have become so digitalised that it is extremely hard to unplug. In fact, I have to prepare rigorously to make it happen. Move money around, schedule payments, make sure two factor authentication for things like food deliveries are switched off, have everything else ordered that needs banking app verification, tell people I’ll be offline and how to reach me in actual emergencies. Finding alternatives to social media to get all the news that isn’t whitewashed is no mean feat either.
This post was more for ideas should you ever want to try some time offline, no matter how long it is. It’s also for me to share with the world because that’s how I like to process things and relate to people. So, if you can relate and have done similar with varying results, talk to me in the comments.
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Why is it so fucking hard?
Disclaimer: Before anyone gets any ideas; I am not talking about romantic love here. I’m still figuring out if I may actually be aromantic. Keep your eyes peeled for that exploration. But DO NOT comment or message with well meaning notes on how there is someone out there for me and how I’ll find my one true love. I find that vomit inducing and patronising. I am single because I want to be and it has nothing to do with my capacity for being loved. OK. Let’s start…
I have a very easy time loving people. And animals. I love hard and almost violently. Some of the friendships I’ve made in the past few years have started like that: I met the person and *boom* I loved them. Immediately adopted into the family. Others have grown a little more slowly, but the intensity is the same: VIOLENCE. I want to squeeze the living fuck out of them and would kill for these people. Very easily. The more I love, the more capacity I have for love, too. It just multiplies endlessly and leads to more love for humanity as well. As long as I don’t have to meet them all.
Being loved? No, thank you.
Being loved is a whole different ballgame. It feels SO uncomfortable. Those people I talked about? And a whole bunch of older friends? They love me BACK! With the same intensity! They unequivocally match my energy. To them I say: WHAT THE FUCK??? WHY???
I’m unlovable
Now, on a rational level, I know I’m not unlovable. I’m as lovable as everyone else (yes, I think there are exceptions, but let’s not dwell on that for now) and I DESERVE to be loved and cherished and supported and to have my energy matched. Emotionally, though? Everything screams no. Loudly.
It’s the familiarity, the comfort zone that isn’t comfortable. Except… I have always been loved. I guess I have been disappointed by people I loved just as much and that stings. This whole thing is hard to wrap my head around. Maybe that’s the whole point, maybe it’s just a matter of the heart. Yeah, well, my Moon in Gemini doesn’t care. We need to intellectualise it, so here we are. AND I’ve also just said that my emotions are the ones running amok trying to accept love, haven’t I? What a wild ride being human is.
So, on many levels, I feel unlovable. I cannot hold all that love. So much so that I start crying, no, sobbing uncontrollably when someone openly expresses their love to me. Thankfully, this often happens in writing or in video calls, so I can turn off my camera for a while. Which, if you know me, isn’t something I usually do for shedding tears. I am very comfortable crying in front of people and being vulnerable. Being loved out in the open, though? That feels like I’m naked and exposed and clothes or any kind of cover are nowhere to be found. Vulnerability squared, so to speak. Ugh.
The things I’ve done
It’s not just about the inability, discomfort or unfamiliarity of holding and receiving all that love. In the back of my mind, there are also all the things I have done and the thoughts I have thought and the things I haven’t done that “disqualify” me for love. There is another draft somewhere here that talks about how I’m a recovering bigot. As much as I have forgiven myself for (almost) all of it and shame is not something I experience much anymore (unless I fuck up, obviously), it feels like there is a weight behind my (in)actions that keeps me below the imaginary lovable threshold. In this way, shame has very much done a number on me.
Connecting with my witchcraft and having daily and seasonal rituals have definitely helped me chip away at this, but I can’t deny it’s still there and it still makes it hard for me to feel lovable.
Expectations and loyalty
Then there are the expectations tied to love. Society has a certain set of expectations when it comes to love. Unconditional love belongs to the family, no matter how harmful that may turn out to be. The biggest love belongs to a romantic partner and you need to isolate yourself from the outside world once you’ve found this unicorn of a human being that perfectly matches you. And BOY are you expected to give up your whole life and identity when you become a parent, especially if you’re the one giving birth to a child. Of course, these are overgeneralisations and simplifications, but that’s the backdrop against which I’m looking at being loved.
Where in those expectations is there space for friendships? For the love of community? Well, community isn’t supposed to be a thing in the first place; you’re supposed to be able to do everything on your own – or with your partner, but don’t you rely on them! – and buy community care rather than receive it for free. Friendships seem to be a weird format of relationship today. To me, whose core family has been dead for over a decade, friendships are THE relationship in my life, though. It’s the label for my chosen family.
Said label already makes it difficult. When I see how willy nilly people throw around the word friend, I wonder if they don’t even know what friendship means anymore. Have you not heard of colleagues, acquaintances and neighbours? Why are we not distinguishing between all of these roles??? There can also be friends and close friends. But throwing them all together in the same cauldron and calling them friends makes me want to scream.
Because if you call THAT person a “dear friend”, someone who clearly only wants access to you and isn’t actually a friend, and you call me the same, someone who SHOWS THE FUCK UP for you in the best and the worst of times… what am I supposed to make of that? It doesn’t make sense. It’s okay to call people acquaintances or even good acquaintances, or just colleagues or neighbours. Not everybody needs to be your friend.
With all of that being said, I put a certain energy into my relationships and pretty much expect the same in return. That doesn’t mean that I don’t understand if someone has phases (and long phases, too), throughout which they can’t communicate much because they’re overwhelmed or their disabilities are taking up all of their energy. I am that person A LOT, so I get it. I have things like emojis in place for times like that. I’ll throw a heart your way and you’ll know I’m thinking of you, even when I can’t articulate it in the moment. But when it comes to loyalty and knowing you’ve got my back? That has to be unshakable. And for some people it just isn’t. That’s when I don’t feel loved and it’s a stone’s throw to unlovable town from there.
Another layer of this is when I hear you talk about your “friends” and it’s negative. That doesn’t happen in my book. If I start talking negatively about a friend, I know it’s over or we at the very least need to have a serious conversation. I will talk about feeling worried for a friend – without going into details unless they know each other and of the difficulties – and seek advice or reassurance. But complaining??? No. That’s not love for me. If you have a problem with me, address it with me directly. I live by that and I love like that, so I will address problems with the person in question. I will never say anything about anyone to people that I would not also tell them to their face.
So here’s another question: Does that make me unlovable?
Autism and love
Then there is autism. I’ve recently been officially diagnosed, so now I am Certified Autistic™️. Should probably put that in my credentials somewhere. #AutisticPeopleDon’tUnderstandSarcasm What that means is that my brain generally doesn’t always understand the expectations attached to different relationships. I don’t even know how to initiate contact because what do you mean, YOU CONNECT OVER SMALL TALK??? That’s my worst nightmare and I could never. Small talk is useles words strung together for no other purpose than to fill a void with words. To not feel awkward, apparently, but that’s when I feel most awkward. I feel most at ease when I meet someone with whom I can immediately dive deep into some subject. Which is why I mostly meet people online through common interests. You could call them special interest groups, I guess. That’s how I make friends and then eventually we meet in person and yay, we are friends for life now. Sometimes, those relationships stay acquaintances, though, and that’s okay.
Thinking of neighbours and – in hindsight – colleagues… those are not relationships leading anywhere. They have a purpose and when that purpose has run its course (someone moves house/company), that relationship is over. There are exceptions, surely, but so far I have yet to experience them. Eventually, those “friendships” fizzle out and I’m usually not crying over them. Now, there is a case for community living and especially connecting to your neighbours more, which is something I’m actively exploring. But this post is about love, so let me not get into that.
Okay, so I’ve made a friend, we’ve met and shared some of our deepest feelings, interests and trauma. At this point, I have developed love. Friendship love. The question is: Have they, too? And how do I know? My only reference points are how I’m showing up and how, in turn, I have certain expectations from them. However, they may have some different ways in which they show their love, which are by no means “worse” than mine, but I may not recognise them as such. The dance of figuring it out begins. Until I have figured it out (please everyone just say outright, “I love you” and move on), I will now second guess that reciprocity.
So when it comes in forms I didn’t expect but definitely understand, I am immensely shocked. Even more so if it’s in front of other people. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE NOT AFRAID OR ASHAMED OF LOVING ME IN PUBLIC???
Wounds from the past
Aha, so there’s something else. I feel like I’ve been dancing around this. In the past, I have been loved in secret. Some of it was openly because I am fat; which, let me tell you, fucking sucks. It hurt so much I wanted to stop existing altogether. And the hurt still sits deep. A lot of it has been healed, mostly by loving myself and my body fiercely. Most of those instances were in romantic relationships, but there were enough friendships with this phenomenon that it can be called a pattern. It’s something that stays with you for the longest time. When it wasn’t about my fatness, it was about how “radical” I am and how I will not shy away from calling out people’s bigotry, no matter how “close” our relationship is. A whole lot of friends have left me because I finally set some boundaries, had new standards for treating me or have changed in a way that no longer suited their narrative of me. This is where you’ll be on the edge of your seat waiting for the post on abusive friendships. It’s coming. It just takes time.
With that kind of background, no wonder I feel unlovable exactly as I am. And when someone proclaims their love for me (and my brain) openly and even in front of others, I fall apart because I just cannot believe it. Tearing up as I’m writing this.
Allowing love
Going through all of that, I am wondering: How do I allow love in my life then? Well, I guess it’s practice. After all, I have learnt to love myself and that was no mean feat. In fact, that is one thing that a lot of people find intimidating and arrogant about me. It took about half a decade to undo the damage of all of my life before then. It was my Saturn Return that set all of that in motion, if you want an idea of the timing.
Being vulnerable
Some of The Work™️ is being vulnerable. Truth be told, I’ve never found that difficult. As I said, small talk is not something I do, let alone enjoy. So I try to avoid it by asking someone a question like: So what’s your favourite quirk? Yeah, I get a lot of stunned faces, but most people smile and actually think about it. It DOES make for a good conversation starter. Once I gel with someone, I happily shed tears or tell one of my many sob stories. I’ve met a few people in the past twelve months who’ve seen me cry within the first few hours of hanging out together. We were talking about dogs and I lost my beloved Spot just over a year ago, so naturally that pain still sits at the surface; ready to leave my eyes at a moment’s notice. But guess what: Being vulnerable leaves you… vulnerable. Which means people can hurt you easily.
So at the same time, I have walls up. I know this is a contradiction, but you just have to trust me that it’s possible. There are things that I don’t easily share or talk about, even though I may have shared them on the internet for everyone to see, hear and read. It is much more intimate when it happens one to one, especially when it happens because, for example, someone’s seen a scar and asked a curious question about it. These stories often come with tears and reveal very clearly how sensitive I am and how easily I’m hurt. I still don’t shy away from answering those questions; I just don’t necessarily seek out these conversations.
Vulnerability doesn’t mean you’re friends
One thing that vulnerability doesn’t do automatically is make you friends or make you love each other. Sometimes, it evokes the opposite. I have had people seek distance or ghost me entirely after I’ve revealed something about me that they may not have expected. Or that they may have deemed as “too soon” or “too much information”. I know those people are not my people. But it’s still a bit weird.
Then there are groups – like grief circles – that I’m part of or hold space for and there is a whole lot of vulnerability and a whole lot of crying. But no friendship. Just some strangers coming together, being vulnerable and raw, which I find beautiful. There is also always a lot of love in the room, but it’s a generalised love for the humanity in the other, not a personal one that creates intimacy and closeness.
Practice, hey?
I guess where this is heading is experimenting. Throwing things at a wall and seeing what sticks. Vulnerability is part of that. Opening up and being open. Both for people’s vulnerability and their different ways of showing and experiencing love. It’s a delicate dance. Then continuously letting it happen. Let them show me their love. Let them show up. Asking for help and support – my least favourite form of vulnerability – and receiving it. Over and over. Practice makes progress, I guess. I’m sure I’ll grow my capacity for being loved over time. And who knows, maybe it doesn’t need to feel okay or comfortable. Maybe it’s enough to let it exist and cry over it every single time.
Am I alone, though?
Do you find it easy or hard being loved? What makes it hard for you to accept love in your life? Do you think you need to overcome certain beliefs or behaviours first? Do you think you need to love yourself first before you are ready for love? I would absolutely love to hear your experiences and how all of this lands for you. Let me know in the comments or email me!
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You know, the actual new year; the astrological new year
There are a few things I’m really petty about. One thing is capitalism insisting that we start the year in FUCKING WINTER. Nope. No, no, no, no, no, thank you. It starts in SPRING. Now, there are different traditions and hemispheres, right? The Southern hemisphere is on the halfway point in the year today with the autumn equinox happening. The Pagan new year starts with Samhain. All obviously valid. As is the Chinese New Year and all other observed traditions that have links to NATURE and local OBSERVATIONS. Every single one that is defined by fucking capitalism? Invalid. I said what I said. The other thing I’m really petty about? World Book Day and how the UK thinks that is a different day for them than for the rest of the WORLD. Why? Capitalism. And non-existent St George’s day celebrations on ACTUAL World Book Day.
Time to start shit
But not in haste! Both Mercury and Venus are retrograding into oblivion at the moment. Both through Aries and Pisces. PLEASE go slowly. Take your time. Rest and, even more importantly, RECOVER if you’re unwell. There is a difference and we have to acknowledge and live it again.
It is also eclipse season, so I will not tell you to set all the intentions today – or for the New Moon next week – because the only intentions I want you to set now are for releasing shit. However, there is a case to be made to a) do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want and b) get some clarity now and hit the BOLD button once the Retrograde shenanigans are over. After all, Mars has been going direct for a while now, so there may be some momentum stirring inside of you. Always use that.
The good news about the Retrogrades is that they both stop this season. Mercury stations direct on the 7th and Venus stations direct on the 13th of April. Remember the shadow periods but it will shift some gears for us to have respite from active Retrogrades.
Lick your wounds
You know who’s also in Aries? Chiron. The wounded healer. Mars is squaring this little shit on the 26th, so beware of your wounds coming back to the surface. They need attending to, they need licking, they may even need some healing. My advice to go slowly stands, but also DO take action. It will really help you move on from the pain. Both the personal and the collective pain. Address it. Shoving it away will only create problems down the line.
With Venus and Mercury moving back into Pisces on the 27th and 30th, respectively, even more “wounds” may be coming up. Illusions. DElusions. Where are you lying to yourself? What conditioning do you really need to let go of? Where have you been brainwashed? Admit it. At least to yourself. You’re not alone. A whole lot of people are waking up to things they have never truly seen before. It’s okay. Keep going.
Cazi…what now?
Cazimi. Apparently, hold your horses, this is wild, it is a Latin translation of an Arabic translation of a Greek word. And to this I say: Bollocks! Not because I know better, but it very much sounds like several empires have been fighting over it. It roughly means “in the heart”. In astrology, we use the term to describe when a planet is in the heart of the sun, i.e. conjunct the sun. Why don’t we just say conjunct then? The fuck do I know; don’t kill the messenger, folks.
Anyway, we’ve got two gorgeous Cazimis this season. Venus is cazimi on the 23rd and Mercury on the 24th. From my experience – and from the logic of conjunction – this is what that means: Whatever the energy of that planet is will now have a spotlight on. Quite literally. The Sun. Waving to all the Leos reading this. So, in a way, a Cazimi acts like Jupiter and makes things bigger. Or at least clearer and… louder.
Time to love our fellow humans fiercely and communicate that in the same vein. Speak up. Loudly. Be a voice for change. Start those difficult, those challenging conversations. Repair. (Yeah, I also hate that part, but hey ho, I do believe in community, you know?!) Bring some FIRE into the equation again. Bring the rage. It is welcome. It is necessary. Just focus it on the big things, on the systems, on the dictators and governments (same shit) instead of the tiny things that won’t matter, the people in your life who may deserve better. Just like you. You deserve better.
The eclipse is… eclipsing!
If the Full Moon Eclipse is a full mooon on steroids (my words, not claiming I’m the only one), then the New Moon Eclipse is… correct, like a full moon. 😀 I know. Look. Go ahead and set intentions. I’m JUST SUGGESTING to let them be along the lines of “release this” and “let go of that” instead of calling all the new shit in. We’re getting clarity now, so we can move forward with that.
The New Moon Eclipse in Aries is on 29 March 2025 at 10.47 am GMT, the new moon is exact 11 minutes later 9°00’ Aries. Got a placement at or around this degree Aries, Cancer, Libra or Capricorn? You’ll feel this one and some shit may be falling away. Particularly the things that are not uniquely you and the things that stand in the way of you starting things. Enjoy them falling away. It may be a Death or a Tower moment; or both, let’s be for real.
More release
The Full Moon in Libra is on 13 April 2025 at 1.22 am BST (time change be damned) at 23°19’ Libra. This one is asking us which parts of ourselves have we lost or left in past relationships; romantic or otherwise. Where did you bend into shapes so hard that you no longer recognised yourself? Yep, that might hurt but going through it is so worth it. Move with this energy. It closes off this eclipse season and from the new moon hereafter, I officially give you permission to manifest your dream life again.
If you want a ritual for this – or the eclipse – you will know what I’ll say now: Burn shit. SAFELY, please, as temperatures are rising again in the Northern hemisphere and haven’t quite let up in the Southern hemisphere. Take a piece of paper, write down what you want to release and then buuurrrn it. Once the ashes are cold, scatter them in the air (out of the window if that’s most accessible) to honour the Libra energy present in this full moon. Thank me later.
What else?
There is always more, we could really go places with this. But for the purpose of this overview, this is it.
What’s that? You WANT to go deeper??? Well… I’ve got something for you. The Pluto in Aquarius Astrology School is almost ready for enrolment. The sign up links don’t quite work yet, but you can already read through everything RIGHT HERE [NO LONGER AVAILABLE]. And if you want to separately sign up for “Anatomy of a Birth Chart” where Colleen Mathis explains to us what a birth chart is actually all about, then you can do that here (WILL COME BACK TO DOWNLOAD).
I’ll see you on the other side.
Stay magnificent. Stay witchy.
Your Witch Mother
PS: Nope, I’m not sorry that there was nothing for Pisces season. I had my own Pisces demons to deal with. Always listen to your body, witches, it has all the answers.
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On taking down Empire
Before you do anything else, Witch, grab a cuppa and listen to this (the whole thing, not just a snippet):
Now that you’ve let that penetrate every fibre of your being, let’s continue to talk about the absolutely very best season of the year! #UnbiasedAndHumble
Aquarius Season
We may sit opposite Leo, but we have a sense of importance that matches their need to be in the limelight. On top of that, Aquarius seasons over the next 19 years will be supercharged by Pluto in Aquarius. Why yes, I chose the title of this blog, my podcast and my Discord community for a fucking reason, thank you so much for noticing. Also proud to say my SEO is working, so there. Even my marketing brain is satisfied.
Enough of the self aggrandisement. #FamousLastWords The Sun has just moved into Aquarius as you’re reading these words and WOW have we been starting strong: Venus conjunct Saturn, Mercury sextiling Saturn AND Venus (because, you know, they are conjunct, so of course Mercury sextiles them both). What a RIDE!
Conjunct? Sextile? WHAT?!
Conjunctions and sextiles are positive aspects. Aspects are the relationship planets or placements have to each other based on how many degrees apart they are. We speak of a conjunction when two placements are 0°-8° apart. A sextile means they are 60° part with the same kind of leeway (aka “orb” up to 8°).
Venus and Saturn are in Pisces and Mercury is in Capricorn, so we have Earth and Water energies coming together. Venus and Saturn coming together in this conjunction feels like just the amount of love we need. Love and structure, in fact. Loving structure? Think about that. What would loving structure in your life look like? I like to call Saturn in Pisces a scaffold for our dreams. What kind of foundation needs to be in place to make your dreams a reality?
Mercury sextiling these gorgeous friends embracing each other brings communication into the mix. Remember Saturn rules Capricorn, so that will feel special. Think about how you can bring structure into your thoughts and how you communicate them as well. If you feel frequently misunderstood, now is the time this could change. You may also feel more grounded and more convicted in your opinions. Speak your truth, even if it feels out there, and see what happens.
Energy shifts
Now, I won’t go into every aspect like this because this post would never end that way. But it is interesting to note that we have the Sun conjunct Pluto while Mercury is squaring (= 90°) Chiron on the 21st. I would not be surprised if there was more technological fuckery that day and the whole week. Equally, as much as you may feel stronger in your convictions, old wounds may come up from conversations. Beware of triggers and take good care of yourself. Seek support in community because you deserve it.
On the 28th, Mercury enters Aquarius, making this whole party interesting, especially when it moves into a conjunction with our favourite rascal Pluto the next day. What needs to be said? Where do you actually need to ruffle some feathers? Now is the perfect time for that. Speak up for justice for good measure.
Uranus is finally stationing direct on the 30th, so you will feel a pull to externalise the changes you have felt coming for a while now. These changes have the potential to be long-lasting, so take your time implementing them.
Venus is entering Aries on the fourth, bringing some more fire into the mix right after Imbolc; giving us a bit of a taste of what’s coming in Aries season. Want to make that first step reaching out to someone, romantically or otherwise? Get to it in the next few weeks. Jupiter stations direct on the same day and joins the party of lifting the veil of going inwards as these Retrogrades have been weighing heavy on some of us.
Mercury squaring Uranus on the 10th? Shall we just ignore that? Or do you want to have that uncomfortable conversation that could change your trajectory? Anyway, on the 14th, Mercury enters Pisces and gets a little muted under the water. Still a good time to verbalise your dreams, talk them through with someone if that helps you.
The moooooon
The New Moon in Aquarius in on 29 January 2025 at 12.36 pm GMT at 9°51’ Aquarius. Time to manifest something revolutionary. Set intentions around accepting yourself exactly as you are and no longer giving a fuck about what people think of you. Set intentions for the collective, too. For justice. For collective liberation. Make it count.
The Full Moon in Leo is on 12 February 2025 at 1.53 pm GMT at 24°06’ Leo. Tap into your heart. Whatever you’ve figured out is truly you during the new moon this season? Release everything that is not that with this full moon. Time to get to know yourself on an individual level and how you fit into the collective, even if it is on the margins; by choice, that is. If you’re pushed there, it’s time to push back. Embrace yourself AND stay safe.
Aquarius Vibes
Usually, I start these by talking about the general vibes of the sign. But Aquarius is special, so here we are. What are we looking at?
Aquarius brings the revolution. Not just with Pluto here, but that of course exacerbates it all. Aquarius is the humanitarian of the zodiac, too, so while you want to burn shit down – as do I – you will also want every human to thrive afterwards. How do we achieve that?
Then there’s the part about social networks. What is your place in community, in the collective? Aaand… AND how will social media change this season – when Aquarius energy is exacerbated – and in the next two decades? How are we reacting to that? How will these changes affect how we see ourselves? Some things to ponder on.
Also, for legal reasons, this and the imagery is for entertainment purposes only.
Stay magnificent. Stay witchy.
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…and who told you to achieve it in winter? Yeah, we’re gonna talk about capitalism.
The season of lies is here. Welcome it with open arms. This is the quietest and coldest winter in the Northern hemisphere yet. It’ll get louder and warmer from here. But let’s look at the season first.
Work, work, work, work, work
The Sun has entered Capricorn at 9.21 am GMT on Saturday, 21 December 2024. Here come the people who live and love to work. Don’t get me wrong, I love being in service, I love my work, but BOY not like a Capricorn.
Capricorn is a cardinal sign, so one of the initiators of the zodiac. With its earthy energy, it also has great potential to follow through and build foundations. So far so good for those resolutions you may want to make this time of year. If you need to channel some goal orientation, go find yourself a Capricorn friend.
You know why Capricorns are great friends, too? They are stable, strong-willed and calm. They have your back – unless you cross them, of course. They are very grounded in what we call reality and have THE most patience, so are also happy to wait for what they want in life. That’s the energy we’re getting with Capricorn.
Can the ambition and determination lead to burnout? Absofuckinglutely. That’s something to be cautious about. And one of the reasons I hate the Gregorian calendar year.
It is winter
I know we’re welcoming in the light in the Northern hemisphere but it is WINTER, people. We don’t START things in winter. What we do in winter is RETREAT, hibernate. And, if you’re reading this from the Southern hemisphere, summer isn’t the time to start things either. Spring is. Summer means you should be out there enjoying the fruits of your labour and spending as much time with your loved ones as possible.
Every season has work to do, sure. But we don’t need to set intentions in Capricorn season. We need to start working on them endlessly even less. You know when to start shit? In Aries season. That’s what we’ll do from now on, yeah? Start things in Aries season. Spring and autumn. GOOD seasons to start shit. Deal? Deal. Good. Okay.
We also don’t need to constantly achieve. Capitalism sold us a lie that we bought into HARD. It made us believe we’re only worthy if we produce and produce and produce some more. As it stands today, capitalism is crumbling. Hard. Even more reason to no longer buy into the promises of resolutions, willpower and if you only tried hard enough, you’d be a millionaire in no time. It is all a lie. We’re gonna lose a lot in these next 20 years, most of all the privileges we have. And that is a good thing. Capitalism will keep trying to get us, to keep us. Hold on to the belief that we can build better. Because we will. Together. It needs all of us.
Moon magic
Now you’re cross with me. That’s okay. You can still set intentions (and make those resolutions you forget about come Aquarius season). And THE best time to set intentions is the New Moon in Capricorn on 30 December 2024 at 10.28 pm at 9°43’ Capricorn. Look at the house in your birthchart that Capricorn is in to find out which area of your life is most affected. Use this new moon energy to set intentions for strong structures to your dreams. What needs a better footing in your life? Focus on that.
The full moon of the season is in Cancer. It is exact at 23°59 Cancer on 13 January 2025 at 10.27 pm GMT. Yep, both the new and full moon are exact at roughly the same time this season. Eery. For this full moon, release everything that could get in the way of that structure, of that foundation for what you want to bring about. And tend to your heart. Please, please tend to your heart and seek support with that if you can’t do it on your own. We’re not meant to do it all on our own. You can join my Discord server (most of it is free, the rest comes with a paid subscription here; not that there’s any content to speak of) here and find people.
All the good things
Mercury is now in direct motion, Chiron is following suit on the 29th. Neptune has been direct for a while now. We can ignore Mars Retrograde. Or we can lean into the pause it gives us. Look closely at where you place your energy. Where do your passions lie? Is that aligned with what you’re doing? What do you care about, what are your values? How can you integrate those things into your daily life, into your actions?
As you contemplate that, get used to your heart becoming even more tender. Venus is moving into Pisces on the third. And Mars Retrograde is moving into Cancer three days later. That’s a LOT of watery energy for this time of the year, for Capricorn season. Lean into it. Play with your intuition. Lean into your feelings, see where that takes you. I take that as a note to self, too.
Thankfully, Mercury moves into Capricorn on the eighth to balance things out again. Your mind will feel clearer and you’ll be able to find the words you couldn’t find before. If your natal Mercury, like mine, is in Capricorn, you’ll be going through your Mercury Return and that is always a good time. I mean it. Clear thoughts, clear ideas, clear priorities. We may even get on other people’s nerves with all that clarity.
A personal note
I’m about to prepare for tonight’s Yule Witch Circle and I love that I have built a community that comes together in this way up to eight times a year. Some new faces, some old faces, some regular faces, some occasional faces. And always a delight.
But this time of year is always full of grief for me and it’s the first winter solstice and turn of the year without Spot and it’s breaking my heart all over again. It is so hard living without him. I can’t bear it. I don’t know how I’m still here. I just don’t know. Without community to hold me, I wouldn’t be. So, please stay with me if you feel similar. We’re a phenomenal bunch of people in this corner of the world. Big shoutout to the Cult. I love you all.
Stay magnificent. Stay witchy.
Your Witch Mother
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along with the fire
It’s Thursday, 21 November 2024, 7.57 pm GMT and the Sun has just moved into Sagittarius. It’s been two days since Pluto has moved into Aquarius for the next 20 years. Arrest warrants have just been issued for Netanyahu and Gallant by the ICC. Nothing will happen as a consequence.
Sagittarius brings back the fire
Scorpio season always feels like fire despite Scorpio being a water sign. The depth, intensity and passion are all dialled up. But Scorpio, as a fixed sign, also came with some inflexibility. Now we’re moving into a mutable season, there’s more room for changing our minds and trying things out.
With this energy ruling us now, you’ll be full of beans, planning your next trip and actually say what you mean. Heck, you may get as blunt as I am. Congratulations. It’s a great place to be in. You’ll have an immense urge for freedom, maybe even liberation. Pursue that. Just don’t get too self-righteous and dogmatic, that’s not a cool place to be in. Absolutely not speaking from experience. 👀
Finally, my time has come
What you may or may not know is that before I started my business in 2019, I had a 12 year marketing career. On top of that, I’ve done loads of marketing work since then to pay for food. Nowadays, I use that experience and those skills for my own business only. So, when choosing a name for this blog, my community, my podcast and basically everything I do from now on, I wanted to make sure that when you look for “Pluto in Aquarius” online, you will find me. Well, let’s just say it’s working. If you’re here from that online search, welcome. You’re in the right place. I’m documenting this transit as we’re living it.
On a personal level, Pluto in Aquarius has really fucked with me already. Breakdowns of friendships, my dog’s dead, my health is in the bin. My Sun, Venus and Jupiter are in Aquarius, in my seventh and eighth houses. Which means Capricorn’s in my sixth house of work/service and wellbeing. That Pluto in Capricorn transit was a lot. And here comes more during the next 20 years.
Enough about me, though, for the world this will mean a shift IF WE WORK FOR IT. Naturally, governments have been clinging on to power more and more over the past few years. More and more people are feeling the financial pinch and therefore their lives worsening. From that space, we usually go one of two ways: Turn against each other and support a fascist at the helm of the country, inevitably becoming fascists ourselves. OR, and this is the harder option, we rise up against the government, against the systems of oppression and fight for better, more sustainable lives. There’s a lot of nuance to this, so don’t come for me. We’ve got twenty years to talk about this.
What’s the moon doing?
The New Moon in Sagittarius is with us on 1 December at 6.21 am GMT. It’ll be at 9°32’ Sagittarius, so if you have placements in your chart between 6° and 12° Sagittarius, you will feel this one particularly strong. When I say strong, I don’t mean bad. This new moon is full of opportunities. You can create a powerful vision of your future. Dream big. Find your voice. Speak your truth. Fight for liberation. And when I talk about liberation for all, I mean all. Every last creature on this planet. Connect to that, too. What can you do to help the animals of the world to thrive? I hope the thought excites you more than it frightens you. We’ve done a lot of damage but we have way more to repair and rebuild.
The Full Moon in Gemini on the 15th is exact at 9.02 am GMT and will be at 23°52’ Gemini. This one you will feel strongly if you have any placements around 20° to 26° Gemini. I don’t know anyone at all whatsoever who that could apply to… 👀 (My Pallas is at 23° Gemini in my 12th house, I WILL be feeling this one. It’s also my monthly lunar return, so there’s a lot going on. Want to know what’s going on for you? Book a reading.) With the moon in Gemini, you’ll be sociable and want to intellectualise your feelings. Doing so may even be the most helpful thing for you to process them. It is for me, to nobody’s surprise. And if you’re neurodivergent, it may be the only way for you to deal with your feelings. So lean into that. Letting go of something this season? Let it be any rigid beliefs on how you need to live your life and how you express yourself. Thank me later.
Sharing makes such a difference for Pluto in Aquarius to be found by others.
Not more Retrogrades 😑
We have to stop creating such a fuss about Retrogrades. They are times to go inwards and reevaluate things. What a wonderful opportunity! How great to have some support like that! And let technology fail if it wants to. We can do with more offline time. Take every glitch as a chance to take that time. Yes, even and especially if you’re at work. Oh, the times we used to be sent home because everything was offline. Glorious.
Mercury Rx – 26 November – 15 December 2024
This time around, we have Mercury in Sagittarius Retrograde, to my personal delight. My Mercury is in Capricorn, so the past few years with the end of year Retrograde being in Capricorn felt a bit tense. But they also gave me a nice break for my health with lots of rest. I hope that will continue.
Now, when Mercury is in Sagittarius, tact is not exactly our strongest point. We also tend to talk about our ideas to whomever will listen. With a Retrograde, there is no reining it in. But there is a higher probability to butt heads with others when talking about our beliefs. Breathe through it. Listen to understand. Change your mind, if you’re called to. See what happens.
Mars Rx – 7 December 2024 – 24 February 2025
I know we’re all still scarred by the Mars in Gemini Retrograde from a few years ago. It was a WILD seven months. This time, Mars will go through Leo and Cancer. It may still be intense, not gonna lie. Mars bringing its fiery energy to more fire with Leo. Passions are running high, you take great pride in doing the thing and you’re ready to take a risk. In Cancer, the fire is slightly extinguished and you need security before you take action. Change is not the one for you, but once you’re committed, you’ll have tenacity. Now put all of that into a container that allows you to evaluate where to put that energy. Sounds good, doesn’t it? It is! It may not always be easy, but it is oh so worth it. Lean into this energy with everything you’ve got and when your body tells you to take a break, TAKE THAT BREAK. Yes, even if it’s several days in a row.
Neptune direct – 7 December 2024
Now, the hazy planet is actually stationing direct this season, gearing up for a new journey next year. Neptune in Pisces brings on self-sacrifices, selflessness and an urge to serving others. It also doubles up on secrets and lying to ourselves, living illusions. So now with this forward movement and Neptune’s move into Aries at the end of March 2025, you will likely wake up from whatever fever dream you’ve been living. Both personally and as part of the collective. We will see more and more lies coming to the surface. I’m thinking governments, celebrities, monarchies and systems. Paired with the Pluto in Aquarius energy, I can’t wait to see how this will play out.
I’m mostly running on fumes these days and am still scratching the breadline. So if you have the means, please consider supporting me with a paid subscription.
What else?
Yes, there is more. There is always way more, but I’m sticking to changes in motion instead of aspects. So this one is about my Venus Return: Venus, the planet of love, beauty, emotional stability and committed relationships (romantic and otherwise), is moving into Aquarius on the 7th. You’ll need loads of personal freedom in your relationships during this time. It is unlikely you’ll be jealous or make emotional scenes; you’ll be able to be level headed even in conflict, which is a great thing giving what else is going on. Fairness and openness are important to you.
Venus will stay here until 3 January 2025, my late grandma’s birthday. How fitting. During this trajectory, Venus will of course also be conjunct Pluto and bring some soothing energy to the upheaval our little rascal is already causing. These two together in Aquarius will also give us a taste of the upcoming Aquarius season, so pay attention to what that could be like.
If you now feel more overwhelmed than before or just want some seasonal guidance, why not book a Soul Session with me? It’s a seasonal overview where we look at all the transits (yes, all the conjunctions and squares and all of that, too) and how it will affect you based on your birth chart, giving you a map of how to navigate the current season. With my availability being what it is right now, also make sure you’re booked in for your year ahead horoscope and wheel of the year tarot readings.
Stay magnificent. Stay witchy.
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Ready to take a dive into the depth of humanity?
The Sun has entered Scorpio on Tuesday, 22 October 2024, at 11.15 pm BST. Think death and rebirth, mystery, meaning and purpose, dark secrets, jealousy, seduction and walls that nobody can penetrate.
Witch Season has entered the chat
…and it ends with Yule. Not one day earlier. You can shove your C-word where the sun doesn’t shine. Well, we’re here all year, but we’re definitely peaking now.
Scorpio really inspires us to go deep and lean on our rituals, which may include divination and devotion to our practice. Embrace it all. See where it leads and make sure to stay firmly grounded. Remember that Scorpio is a water sign and you are bound to get in touch with your feelings this season.
Howling at the moon
The New Moon this season coincides with Samhain. The audacity. It is exact at 12.47 pm GMT at 9°35’ Scorpio on the first. The first new moon after eclipse season. Go bold with your intentions if that feels aligned. It’s also an excellent time to set intentions around healing because BOY will we need a lot of that going forward. Wanna sit with me for Samhain, cut cords and visit your Akashic Records? Join the Samhain Witch Circle here.
The Full Moon in Taurus on 15 November is exact at 9.28 pm that day at 24°00’. Time to a) look back at the New Moon in Taurus six months ago and see how far you’ve come and b) let go of everything that stands between you and stability. Stability can mean a lot of things, but when we think Taurus – in Scorpio season, no less – we especially think financial and emotional stability. Make it a ritual. Burn some shit. The usual.
Our favourite rascals are moving on
On the second, Mercury moves into Sagittarius. You’ll want to talk to whoever will listen. Geminis know this phenomenon. Tact? You don’t know her. You’re blunt and you’re not afraid of ruffling feathers. Comes in handy when you want to talk about genocides with loved ones and strangers on the internet.
Mars moves into Leo on the fourth and brings a whole load of passion with it. By that time, you’ll also still feel the opposition to Pluto in Capricorn from just under a day before. Some tension that may bring conflict AND its resolution, maybe a new chapter altogether. During this time, your face will tell the story if you’re angry with someone. You’re ready to take more risks, have a lot of stamina and take great pride in the doing.
When Venus moves into Capricorn on the 11th, you’ll say what you mean when it comes to love in all your relationships. At the same time, you are more afraid of rejection and become careful and cautious. Venus in Capricorn brings loyal, faithful and dependable people into your life. Be on the lookout for that and try ease into the trust that you need to allow it all.
The bigger troublemakers
Did somebody say DIRECT? Saturn is moving OUT OF Retrograde on the 15th!!! Yes! Rejoice! (for ten days) Go WILD with that energy. You may regain more peace and quiet. You may find a way to build a structure for your dreams to stand on firmly. Use that. Run with it. See what happens. And remember the full moon on the same day that can support you by releasing everything that doesn’t fit into this vision.
Just before the Sun moves on again, you’ll see Pluto entering Aquarius for the next twenty-ish years. The revolution is here. I mean, it has been for a long time, but now we’ve got a whole lot support from our good old friend Pluto. We’ll be talking about Pluto a lot more in the next…two decades, so buckle up and settle into that energy. Join a climate group today and make sure you put your damndest effort into fighting for liberation; in your very own way.
Stay magnificent. Stay witchy.
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